Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What is suns favorite chocolate bar?
A milky way.
What was the artist's favorite swimming stroke? The brushstroke.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
I honestly cannot deal with puns.
But I can with a deck of cards.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.