What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why does Venus have a crush on the sun?
Because the sun is really hot.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
How do nurses and doctors keep people from lying about their medical history?
They use the de-FIB-rillator.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you call a skeleton who lies?
A phoney-ba-boney.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Blue and orange are always polite and amicable with each other because they are complementary colors.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
A bit late but here goes anyway: what do you call the elf who checks Santa's grammar?
A subordinate claus!