What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “It’s worth it to spend money on good speakers.”
That was some sound advice.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
I’ll always be running-back to you.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Werewolves love their fast food.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
I whale always love you.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
He threw three free throws.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Are you WiFi?
Because I can feel the connection between us.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
If you don’t have a lot of figurines from Ancient Greek mythology, I can give you a mini tour.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!