What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
Why did the belt get arrested? Because he held up a pair of pants. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.