What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What do volleyball players do when they go to church? Serve God.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Does anything come after April A?
May B!
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
Can I be Candide with you?
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
Why did the witch fall off her broom mid-flight?
She had a fainting spell!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.