"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
Why do trolls live under bridges?
To troll goats!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Snow on and snow forth.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
How do ghosts wash their hair? Sham-boo.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
The sun is just a big space heater.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
As the incessant rain washed away the blue paint of the house, the owner sighed and said, "Cyanara!"
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly