What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
I'd catalog you with the cookbooks because you look delicious.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!