Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Time fries when you’re having fun!
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
He’s my pinch charming.
Two white bears got married, but soon ended up unhappy and got divorced.
It’s as if they were polar opposites.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.