People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Take a page from the book and leaf.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Softball is just like baseball
Except the tactics seem more underhanded.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”