Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What did the minotaur say to the real estate agent?
- Amazing.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Who’s your paddy?
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Sea you at the beach.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’