Is this a science class? Because we have great chemistry.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Look for a rainbow connection.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
My moment in the sun.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
"Lazy bones."
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Does your sport shop stock short socks with spots?
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.