What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why do seals have trouble eating bread?
Because they're seal-iacs.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What's a fetus's favorite craft?
Embryoidery.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Does February like March?
No, but April May.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Astronaut 1: I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.