Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I get a real kick out of you.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call a crimson-colored fish wearing a hat?
A red herring...
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Best in snow.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Scientists permit us to see the sun in different light.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.