Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Did you hear about the artist that has been drawing very small, colorful noodles?
He drew an itsy, bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, polka dot linguini.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Believe in your elf.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
What's the greatest problem facing Poland?
The four-ten split.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
Q. What does a doe say When something very unexpected happens?
A. Oh, Deer God!
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
It is difficult to hold up a trouser. How does Jupiter does it? Simply, with an asteroid belt.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!