What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Don't worry, bee happy!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Skiing is believing!
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
If a cat broke your computer...
Would it be that an error has o-purred ?
Are you a defibrillator? Because you are sending shocks to my heart.