What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Here today, lepre-gone tomorrow.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.
But apparently, you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony.
I told him that was daylight robbery.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
Son: Father can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Father: No sun.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Thank you for teaching me about bargaining
It means a great deal.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”