If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.