A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What do volleyball players do when they go to church? Serve God.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
My Asian neighbor owns a T-shirt company where he colors white shirts. I think it's a Thai Dye T-shirt company.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
Skiing is believing!
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers
What is the study of real estate? Homology