What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Beach, please.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.