Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
“The North Pole doesn’t import goods because it’s Elf Sufficient.”
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
We’re a perfect mash.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes
But that's Heinz sight.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
There are so many forms of martial arts, it’s hard to keep track of.
Kind of.. Kung Fusing
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.