What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
I'm not talking to my sister's spoiled daughters.
It's beniece me.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?
I-scream!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.