What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Please don’t joke about my eyeballs.
It’s a sensitive area.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
"I wood never leaf you."
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?
You column.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
September and October are considered to be the best months of the year, I say this from the b-autumn of my heart.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!