"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I was walking by a yard sale the other day.
I saw a radio for $1. The volume dial was broken but I knew I couldn’t turn that down.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Feeling fintastic.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses in the other night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
"What did Frankenstein's monster say to his girlfriend?"
"Will you be my Valenstein?"
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Send toast to ten tense stout saints’ ten tall tents.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
How will you save yourself if you come across an aggressive alien? Give him some space.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Did you hear they are not making yardsticks any longer?
They’re not making them any shorter either.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!