What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
French people give me the crepes.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
Did you hear about the artist's really messy house? He said it was 'a work in progress'.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
If there's a will, there's a wave.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Blackboards love drinking beverages, especially hot white chalk-olate!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a Messi guy.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?
It was a superb_owl.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
It’s worth a shot.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
One of my neighbours was stealing things from the local supermarket whilst sitting on the shoulders of two vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.