Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Take off all your cloves.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
How do ghouls sign off a letter?
Best witches and worm regards.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
"I lava you."
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Car puns are really tiring
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.