What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
Feeling my shelf.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
What do you call a rich goblin?
GOBLING.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!