Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
What is a computer's favorite animal?
A RAM.
What do you call an imaginary color?
A pigment of your imagination.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Readers do it by the book.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Werewolves love their fast food.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a werewolf?
Terrier-fied!
What’s the best meal to eat in an igloo?
Brr-eakfast!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
True house cleaners aren't just born
They're maid.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
I threw a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.