How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
What is an astronauts favourite type of shirt?
Apollo
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
What do you call a bunch of kids who spent all afternoon in the snow?
Chill-dren!
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!