Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What holds the moon up?
Moonbeams!
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Ireland always leaves me wanting Moher.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.