Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
"I've found some bunny to love."
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
and the second one Duplikate.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Today, we had to create a new hang position for some lighting fixtures. After all day trying, we couldn't get the new batten hung properly.
Turns out it was just a pipe dream.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushes throat.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.