How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic. But thankfully I’m cured.
I’m ex-static!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
After a long March, April always puts a little spring in my step.
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?
Stake n shake!
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Setters do it better. This sounds like a good motto to put on a T-shirt.
What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.