What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Thank brew very much.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.
My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.
Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?
Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?
Birds too love cheering on their soccer teams. They egg them on.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
I dig you a hole lot.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side