Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Sea you at the beach.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
You’re turtle-ly awesome.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Only a**holes use bidets.
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
You're acute Valentine.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
What does a Greek God say when they answer the phone?
"Whodisious?"
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
A priest, a rabbit and a deacon walk into a blood bank.
"I think I might be a type o." said the rabbit.
My friend went on a date with a Cardio Nurse
His heart was racing the whole time.