Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
When a gardener asks you how much you love them, you could try the effective – I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Why didn't the snowman go to the party?
He had snowone to go with!
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Let’s make some pour decisions.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.