If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Took a flight, and my luggage got torn to pieces....
My lawyer said I don't have much of a case.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?
You become Megadeaf
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.