Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
An actor I know fell through the floor recently. It's just a stage he was going through.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
When autumn arrives, the evergreen tree asked the deciduous tree, "Leafing so soon?'
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
What did the wife mushroom say to her husband?
“You’re a fungi!”
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
Your presents is requested.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why did the origami artist win her court case? She was great at doing the paperwork.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.