Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
It was mitten in the stars.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What is the difference between a ball hog and time?
Time passes.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
I’m no geometric genius, but all love triangles soon turn into wreck-tangles.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
I ate the exam paper
Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What do you call a nervous witch?
A twitch.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
When the well-read bird decided to open a restaurant, he named it Red Robin.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.