How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What does a tiger say to his friends before eating a meal? "Let us prey!"
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
What will you do when you will see a spaceman? You will simply park your car, man!
I don’t trust grey things.
They are very shady.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
The food here is quite so-fish-ticated.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.