I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Look for a rainbow connection.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
me ghosta.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?
Go for the jugular.
What’s the definition of butter?
An angry goat.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
Why do criminals hate coins?
Because half of them are coppers.
To get to the other tide.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
I cannoli be happy