eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...
It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
What do you say when you find the perfect font?
You’re just my type!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Where does Santa stay when he goes on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.