Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I had to work with two different hospitals for my Knee Surgery...
It was a joint venture.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
Don’t give into beer pressure.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Don’t worry, beer happy.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Better read than dead.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
Why are winter days great?
They’re snow much fun!
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.