In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"
The horse said "nay."
The pig squealed.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.
So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
What sport does the Koolaid man play?
Baseball. He's a pitcher.
Don’t moss around.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.