The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
It’s worth a shot.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.