The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
I find you very a-peeling.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What do bats say to vampires?
“You suck!”
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Icy what you did there.
The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
How did the cowboy greet the equestrian?
Howdy Neigh-bor.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.