What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Fishing you a happy day.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
Fairies just spell trouble.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.