What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
My local Italian restaurant is moving to Italy
They are moving to greener pasta.
Let’s spend some koala-ty time together.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
You’re my lucky charm.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.