Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - she woke up.
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
I have bean
thinking about you.
An astronaut did a huge crime. He broke the law of gravity and hence, got a suspended sentence.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Why can't a tattoo artist be faithful? Because he always has designs on his clients.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Have you found the center of gravity yet? It’s the letter v.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.