When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
What happens if the Grim Reaper spikes the ball? You have to dig your own grave.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
What's a lion's favorite color?
ROARange
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
Have you ever wondered why gulls are known as seagulls? It is because they are by the sea. Had they been by the bay, they would have been called bagels.
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
I goat this.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Let’s get elf-ed up.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.