When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
I love you dairy much.
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
Your good weed for the day.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
It’s snow joke.
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.