What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
Why do you think is the moon bald? Because it has no ‘air.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
What do you say when you find the perfect font?
You’re just my type!
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
I was wondering about the color of the wind when it suddenly occurred to me that it blue.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
I dig you a hole lot.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Where my prose at?
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
When does the moon gets his/her stomach full? During full moon.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you call a dog on the beach in the summer? A hot dog!
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...