What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
I was wondering about the color of the wind when it suddenly occurred to me that it blue.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I bought an underwater craft in a bright green color.
It's sublime!
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.