Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What did the marathoner do after he won the race?
He decided to go into politics and run for office.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
My love for you is like no otter.
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
I'm coming out of the closet to tell everyone I was just hired as a seamstress for the theatre.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
What kind of person would sell someone a sham-rock?
A lepre-con!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.