How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
"Just one hot chick."
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Who do you call a pig who can paint like a great artist? Pablo PIGcaso.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
What does a bowler and a Thanksgiving guest have in common?
They both want a Turkey.
Shamrocks and shenanigans for all!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What did the Cat burglar say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?
I did it for the Monet.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus