What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Vampires make awful businessmen. They just can't deal with the stakeholders.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
I think therefore I yam.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
Look for a rainbow connection.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a fishing boat with a great stereo?
bass boat.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.