How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
Snow on and snow forth.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Why did Frankenstein’s monster go to a psychiatrist?
He thought he had a screw loose.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
The investigative journalist said that he would reveal all the in-cider information this fall.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.