What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
"You're a real good egg."
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Call me on the shellphone.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
My Wife is leaving me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
---
How does a german cowboy say hi?
Audi.
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
A tear-orist.
All punts are highly intended
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
You are shrimply the best!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?