What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
In one Fall swoop, it's autumn again!
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Autumn has given me some of my best memories. I am forever grate-fall for it.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
I was kidnapped by mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
“I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.”
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.