Funny Puns

All our puns are here, and it's gonna get punny...

Funny Puns

When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
Skeleton 1: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Skeleton 2: I don't know. Why?
Skeleton 1: Because of all the coffin.
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
How to spot the best mechanic?

The brightest bulb.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.

The view was NOT worth the trip.
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.