What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
"Eggs-cuse me."
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word “the” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...
"Your los."
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why did the artist use the bathroom? Because she was consta-painted.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
"Have a hoppy Easter."
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?
Some day my prints will come.
Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd