Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.