Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What did one ornament say to another? I like hanging with you.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
The graphic designer's present company gave her a substantial raise while a rival company also gave a similar offer. I am now caught in hue minds!
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
You’re right up my alley.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What is a frog’s favorite drink on a hot summer day?
Croak-o-cola.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.