What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
For instant fun, just add water.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
Well, you have to hand it to relay runners, don't you?
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish?
His name is Juan O'Clock.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Love's a feeling you feel when you feel
you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”