Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall "Dam!"
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
I find you very a-peeling.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Aloha is a soft laugh.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn't hard work, after all, it was child's play.
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
What does goblin's blood consist of?
Hemogoblin.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.