How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
what do you need to have proper grammar?
a proper grampar.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
I have no shelf control.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
I goat this.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
I made Chinese for Easter dinner
If I had made Japanese it would have been Eastest Dinner.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
Call me on the shellphone.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.