How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Sea you at the beach.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
This foundation is rock salad.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
"Here for the right riesling."
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Once a year, I take my family on a tour of various nuclear facilities.
While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”