Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
The closer we came to the alley, the louder the bowling thunder.
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What did the beach say to the water? "I need some vitamin sea."
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.