These book puns have tickled your spine.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why did the volleyball player have ropes and shoe strings? They wanted to tie the score.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
My three favorite things are eating my family
and not using commas.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.