What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
I loaf you a lot.
Let’s go to bread.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I hope for world peas.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What are police cars made of?
Copper
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Why do stoner tourists spend so much money while on a skiing holiday at Aspen?
Because they're high rollers!
How do Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code!
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
What’s the preacher’s favorite fall song? A-maize-ing Grace.
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
Wish upon a starfish.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.