Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
It’s a winterful day!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
"Sip happens."
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
"Bone to be wild."
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Come witch me to the party.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.