If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
French, French Revolution
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
Why can't a tattoo artist be faithful? Because he always has designs on his clients.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Why do ghosts like elevators? They raise their spirits.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
It’s impossible to Rouen a trip to France.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.