What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says "It's a pizza of our pasta."
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
All chemists know that alcohol is always a solution
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
Have you heard about the chef on space station? He’s not that much of an astronaut, but his food is literally out of this world!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
"Let's have another round, shall we?"
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.